You’re My Firework

I can’t ask for anything more than spending the last day of the year with you. Even though we have to pretend, I’m just so grateful I’ll be standing right next to you. I’m excited for us next year. 2012, I hope you’ll be be kinder to me and my family.

Heartless December

December wasn’t kind to me this year again. I was slapped with another piece of bad news. I cried like my world shattered into pieces of  broken glass. Those painstaking 4 hours of waiting, really felt terrible. And I despise my imagination for thinking of the worst outcome. :’(

November, I’m Thankful

I Couldn’t Fast Forward

I don’t know where I should begin. I just had a huge bumpy road trip for many weeks.

Exams are long gone now. And I have every right to give myself a hug and a pat on the shoulder for studying so hard. My routine was the ultimate torture! Wakes up every day at 8am and head to the library, studies in the library till it closes at 9pm, heads home for a short rest and to charge iPhone (which they should SERIOUSLY do something about it. people get iPhone because they have active lives you know!). Then, heads down to McDonald’s at B. Gombak to study till 4am. And the cycle continues almost every day like this for 2 weeks. I hardly had any food, drank gallons of water, coffee and music. As much as I thought I am strong and ‘healthy’, I fell sick 5 days before my first paper. Fever. Headache. Flu. Sore Throat. Gastric. ERGH. How did it felt? F U C K I N G  M I S E R A B L E. And not to mention panic too. I became really scared. I didn’t know what to do because I really couldn’t do anything. I can’t swallow. I can’t get up from my bed without vomiting. I slept on the bed reading my notes but it was utter failure! I was too sick to go to the doctors. I popped Panadols one after another for a couple of days. Only on day 3 could I step outside and travel to the clinic. At that point of time I really thought I didn’t have fever. But nooooooooooo.. the doctor checked and it was mighty high. And again I panicked (I always do). It took me days to recover and I struggled to revise and memorize heaps of theory.

That was just the beginning of the exams. For once in my life I really felt like giving up. And I cried in the midst of the exam period. It may sound silly, but I was really afraid of sitting for the exams. I was not just stressed but frustrated and depressed. I hadn’t had the chance to meet my friends for about a month already. My siblings came home with smiles on their faces and watches television without a single worry. They went in and out of the house going to work and school smiling away. I was honestly jealous of them. Totally carefree and enjoying their lives. I started questioning myself why am I doing this to my life? Why should I be studying when I can make bucks? Why did I choose to be miserable when I can forego all these studies shit and have fun? Why do I even bother? I cried really. There was only one person who stood by me through it all. He was no pro at studies himself. But being in that position he knows how hard it is. And he couldn’t be there physically to give me a hug, but he was there (: He was neither pushy nor sticky. Well okay enough about him for now

And for what felt like thousand years, exams are over. YAYNESS!

When

i’ll update soon. i promise. oh wait. i must. there are really so many things going on. i am still looking for some time to quietly sit in front of my laptop and blog.

Secrets

i died

Is there a direct relationship between stress and nightmares? i have been having an awful lot of nightmares at night recently. and it gets clearer. i would usually instantly forget my dreams th moment i wake. but it doesnt seem to be th case now. its puzzling. im even doing some research on th types of dreams people have!

AND OH GOSH DONT GET ME STARTED ON SCHOOL. UNIVERSITY IS TORTUROUS NO MATTER WHAT SCHOOL YOU END UP IN -.-

Childhood Memories

 

Right Now